The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
