At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
