how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
