At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
