Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
