Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize