drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
operation have a gay friend backfired
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
