I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
