I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
