I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize