It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
