garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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