Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I booty called her while she was in labor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
