I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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