I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
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the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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