I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
