The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
