She's JV to your varsity
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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