I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize