I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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