I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
