Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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