Swine flu. Run for my life!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize