never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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