lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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