She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A+ Viking dick
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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