I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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