Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
