Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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