If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.