It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
