I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
