Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
