Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
