All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
