Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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