You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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