my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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