hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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