update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
