now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
