People in love make me want to vomit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
