she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
