if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
