we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
