SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
