i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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