To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize