They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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