My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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