Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Enjoy the penises
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
