i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
