I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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