If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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