so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
