You work out of a Hotel?
Soap is not a condiment
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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