We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
