I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
