Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
